What’s the role of anger in healing?
What’s the role of anger in a healthy life?
Anger is like fire. Fire serves life by enabling us to make food edible and keep us warm, but when it gets out of control, it can burn down our homes and injure or kill people.
Anger is the same. The way we respond to anger can render it a force for good or ill. It can lead us to destroy things that should be destroyed - systems that perpetrate oppression, injustice, cruelty and discrimination, but we can also end up destroying wonderful, beautiful, innocent beings and precious ways of life.
It's an extremely powerful force that needs to be treated with respect and handled with care. Navigating anger wisely takes maturity.
We get angry when we feel threatened in some way. The threat may be real or imagined. The threat may be to our physical, emotional, or psychological well-being.
We get angry when we think things are not as they should be.
From The Guardian:
❝Scientists believe that the capacity for anger has been hardwired into the brain over millions of years of evolution. It forms part of our instinct to fight off threats, to compete for resources and to enforce social norms.
Anger is rooted in the brain’s reward circuit. We are constantly – often subconsciously – weighing up what we expect to happen in any situation. When there is a mismatch between what we’ve learned to expect and the hand we’re dealt, our brain’s reward circuit sounds the alarm and activity is triggered in a small almond-shaped region in the brain called the amygdala.
Anger can trigger the body’s fight or flight response, causing the adrenal glands to flood the body with stress hormones, such as adrenaline, and testosterone, preparing us for physical aggression.
But whether we actually end up swearing or scowling or even punching someone depends on a second brain area, the prefrontal cortex, that is responsible for decision-making and reasoning. This puts our anger in context, reminds us to behave in socially acceptable ways and for most of us, most of the time, keeps our primal instincts in check.❞
Anger therefore predates our species and is an ancient survival mechanism. Human beings all have needs for survival and wellbeing.
When those needs aren't met, we often get angry. Marshall B. Rosenberg, the developer of nonviolent communication, a process for resolving conflict within people, relationships, and society, said:
❝At the core of all anger is a need that is not being fulfilled.❞
Karla McClaren writes in The Language of Emotions:
❝If I were to personify anger, I would describe it as a mix between a stalwart castle and an ancient sage. Anger sets your boundaries by walking the perimeter of your soul and keeping an eye on you, the people around you, and your environment. If your boundaries are broken (through the insensitivity of others, or in any other way), anger comes forward to restore your sense of strength and separateness.❞
There can be a lot of stigma around feeling angry. If you feel angry, you may have been led to believe that it means that you are:
A lot of people are understandably afraid of anger because it can lead to violence and indiscriminate harm. For example, you may get angry with your child who reminds you of some abuse you suffered when you were a child yourself, and react disproportionately, scaring or harming them physically. You may take out your anger on people who don't deserve it.
In my personal experience, there isn't typically much acknowledgement of the healthy, helpful role of anger in our lives in three principles conversations. For example, in his talk, What Even Tempered People Know That Angry People Don't, George Pranksy, says:
❝Anger has no redeeming value; anything done in anger can be done better with understanding.❞
This attitude downplays the value of anger in helping us to keep ourselves and others safe, and make the world a kinder place. It overlooks the wisdom of anger - when we feel angry, our bodies are giving us important information and powerful signals that we shouldn't ignore.
No, the messages anger is transmitting are not always immediately obvious and may not be what our minds are screaming at us as hormones surge through our bodies, but that doesn't mean anger is useless, but rather that it needs to be met with discernment.
We need to listen carefully to our anger. This is similar to listening to a screaming toddler having a tantrum. An appropriate response may not be to give in to their demands, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't listen. We need to listen deeper to identify the real need underneath what they're screaming about.
❝To say that we shouldn’t have anger is like saying that we shouldn’t have rain: we may not like getting wet, but without it there’s no irrigation. Healthy anger is a necessary response to a boundary invasion. It’s our way of saying: You’re in my space. Get out. You see this behavior in animals, too. It’s not a question of should or shouldn’t; it’s a part of our makeup. The role of emotion is to keep out that which is dangerous or unhealthy and allow in that which is helpful and healing. So we have anger and revulsion, and we have love and attraction.❞
Anger is thus a healthy human emotion and can be crucial to us on our healing journey. If we can learn both to interpret the message that anger is sending us accurately, and channel the energy that anger gives us constructively, we will be putting anger to good use.
❝Sometimes the biggest impetus to healing can come from jump-starting the immune system with a burst of long-suppressed anger.❞
Gabor Maté, When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress
Anger has an important protective function, and without it, marginalised individuals and groups tolerate what should not be tolerated for too long.
❝Anger is the rational reaction to oppression. No wonder we're so keen to stigmatize it. By stigmatizing anger, we discourage women from expressing their rage, and therefore from seeking a solution to its causes. We subtly instruct them that their problems are due to personal failings rather than societal ones. We teach them always to question themselves, always to wonder what they did to cause their own mistreatment -- and to view mistreatment as normal, unworthy of anger.❞
I think this is true not just for women, but for any person or group who's been abused or treated unfairly.
There seem to be three main ways to react to anger, and, of course, most of us mix and match(!):
i) EXPLODING:
We can discharge anger as soon as it arises, usually towards whoever is in our vicinity. We may hit someone, yell, smash something or fire off an aggressively worded email. We act rashly with the intent to hurt others and/or re-establish our boundaries.
This may be appropriate, if we are genuinely being threatened or our efforts to protect our boundaries have been persistently and wilfully ignored.
Where there is no violence or abuse, honest, direct, immediate expressions of anger, particularly if the anger has not been allowed to fester and build up over time, can be healthy and safe. It can simply alert everyone to the fact that something needs to be acknowledged or addressed.
But this reaction is often inappropriate and can lead to hurting or destroying the wrong things or people, in the wrong way, at the wrong time, leading to unintended consequences and taking us further from our goals. We often end up regretting the actions we take in the heat of anger.
❝Anybody can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not within everybody's power and is not easy.❞ Aristotle
We may end up alienating a lot of people and lose jobs and relationships we'd rather keep.
If we always simply discharge our anger reactively, we might miss the underlying messages it's trying to convey, so that we end up getting angry frequently, which will take a toll on our bodies.
ii) REPRESSION/AVOIDANCE:
If we feel ashamed or afraid of our anger, we may try to deny or repress it. There are many potential downsides to this approach:
a) Unhealthy coping mechanisms/addictions/depression
We may turn to coping mechanisms, such as substance abuse, disordered eating, over-exercise, obsessive-compulsive patterns, rumination etc., to get away from the feeling and try to numb ourselves. These coping mechanisms can become problematic in their own right.
When I tried to suppress my anger because I judged it as wrong, I used to binge eat or watch my weight obsessively. Although those habits were very painful, for a long time they felt safer than feeling angry.
When I ignored my anger, I felt frustrated and became depressed. My sense is that depression often arises when we don’t make room for anger. Because anger is commonly vilified, we often fail to acknowledge it out of shame.
b) Entering into, or staying in, unhealthy situations/relationships
Ignoring anger can disconnect us from the wisdom of the body, so we get into, or stay in, situations that cause us or others harm. We're left vulnerable without a crucial part of our inner guidance system.
Dismissing anger as a personal character flaw can also lead to hurt as we invalidate our pain, or the pain of others, by implying that all suffering is simply caused by faulty thinking, and therefore nothing needs to change in our lives. We can thus end up staying in abusive relationships or jobs that don't suit us.
c) Spiritual bypassing leads to political apathy
We may try to spiritually bypass our anger to avoid addressing its root causes and taking any necessary action.
Many people who profess to be spiritual and peace-loving look down upon people who express anger that motivates them to advocate for societal change and dismiss politics as a pointless waste of time.
Without anger, there is a risk that love becomes abstract without any practical application in the real world.
There is a refusal to acknowledge real injustice and harm which justifies inaction. The reasoning goes that if people are angry, it's simply because they're thinking angry thoughts, and the solution is simply for them to 'get quiet'. But throughout history, societal change and progress have been spurred by the wisdom of anger, pointing to grievances that need to be addressed, and providing the energy to pursue resolution, in difficult circumstances.
Anger is not the only societal change agent, but it is a crucial element.
d) Negative impact on health
Repression can take a toll on our bodies and our health, as the anger doesn't disappear just because we wish it would.
Chloe Laws writes in The Independent:
❝Some experts believe there is a connection between suppressed emotions and physical illness. Dr Jolene Brighten, a board-certified naturopathic endocrinologist, explains,
“Suppressing emotions, particularly anger, has been linked to increased stress, dysregulated immune function and chronic inflammation, which may contribute to the development or worsening of autoimmune diseases.”
She points to research showing that emotional repression can trigger prolonged activation of the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis, leading to immune system dysfunction. This can worsen conditions like rheumatoid arthritis, lupus and multiple sclerosis.
All emotions are biologically mediated through brain activity, autonomic nervous system changes, and hormonal secretion. However, no single physiological signature corresponds to a specific emotion like anger or sadness.
Windgassen explains, “It’s not that emotions themselves are harmful, it’s how we respond to them that can put strain on the body.”Suppression, she says, is one of the most depleting responses. It activates higher-order brain regions, like the prefrontal cortex, while decreasing activation in emotion-processing centres like the amygdala. This leads to increased cortisol secretion, which can disrupt immune function. “
Cortisol can both inhibit immune responses, making the system slow to react, or over activate it, leading to inflammation, a sign of immune dysfunction.”
While research continues, the growing body of evidence suggests that suppressing emotions, including anger, may have significant physiological consequences.
“Expressing anger in constructive ways can help reduce the stress-related risks of immune dysfunction and inflammation.” she explains.❞
e) Unacknowledged anger can morph into bitterness and resentment
Unacknowledged anger can lead to bitterness and resentment, poisoning our relationships. I’ve observed people who never get angry at unjust treatment, and they often seem frustrated and unfulfilled in their relationships. Their anger festers and comes out as being short and snappy, sometimes with people who don’t deserve it.
We may discharge our anger on the wrong people, people who we know don't have the power to hurt us e.g. our children, loving friends or family or innocent strangers.
❝If you’re not angry, you’re either a stone, or you’re too sick to be angry. You should be angry. You must not be bitter. Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. It doesn’t do anything to the object of its displeasure. So use that anger, yes, you write it, you paint it, you dance it, you march it, you vote it, you do everything about it. You talk it. Never stop talking it.❞
Maya Angelou, in a discussion with Dave Chapelle
f) Unacknowledged anger can morph into dangerous rage
If we hold our anger in for a long time, it can build to such extent that at some point we explode anyway:
❝Beware of him that is slow to anger; for when it is long coming, it is the stronger when it comes, and the longer kept. Abused patience turns to fury.❞
Mary Trump, Donald Trump's niece, notes that President Trump’s cruelty mirrors the cruelty of his father, saying:
❝In the end, there would be no love for Donald at all, just his agonizing thirsting for it. The rage, left to grow, would come to overshadow everything else.❞
Authoritarianism in Training: Donald Trump and the Childhood Roots of Anger
iii) HONOURING, FEELING, LISTENING & RESPONDING:
Rather than pathologising or demonising anger when it arises, we can welcome it and look for the gift in it.
We can acknowledge anger, allow ourselves to feel it, honour it with attention, give voice to it, and find healthy expressions of it, for example, through writing or other art forms.
We can get curious about what it's trying to tell us and become open to heeding its call.
This requires us becoming familiar with the bodily sensations of anger, so we can notice them when they arise. Privacy may be helpful at this time. If that's not possible, turning our attention inwards can help us to become more fully aware of our experience. It may help to name the sensations out loud e.g. I'm feeling hot, my chest is tight, I feel the urge to shout etc.
Even if we have formed a habit of feeling angry a lot of the time and reacting to our anger in destructive ways, that still doesn't mean anger is something we should just try to get rid of. It probably means we haven't heeded the message the anger was sending, so it's felt the need to shout louder and more often to get our attention.
When anger arises, we can ask ourselves:
Karla McClaren invites us to ask the following questions:
The answers can be surprising. Don't assume you already know what they are!
❝All emotion, even rage, carries knowledge, insight, what some call enlightenment. Our rage can, for a time become our teacher – a thing not to be rid of so fast . . . The cycle of rage is like any other cycle; it rises, falls, dies and is released as new energy.Allowing oneself to be taught by one’s rage, thereby transforming it, disperses it.One’s energy returns to use in other areas, especially the area of creativity. Although some people claim they can create out of chronic rage, the problem is that rage confines access to the collective consciousness – so that a person creating out of rage tends to create the same thing over and over again with nothing new coming through.So rather than trying to “behave” and not feel our rage or rather than using it to burn down every living thing in a hundred-mile radius, it is better to first ask rage to take a seat with us, have some tea, talk a while so we can find out what summoned this visitor.❞
Anger about today’s so-called ‘beauty’ standards helped me free myself from the shackles of conditioning about how I was told I should look.
Once anger had given me the energy to make changes, I didn’t need it for that purpose anymore. I no longer feel angry most of the time about all the pressures on people to look a certain way. I’m simply focussed on trying to be a constructive voice for change now. Anger can give us a lot of energy to make much needed changes in the world.
Anger has been essential for my wellbeing. It has forced me to stand up for myself, especially in relationships with men. It has guided and protected me. When I was unclear and confused about things in my head, my anger showed me the way.
Anger helps me realise when my boundaries have been violated and it helps me take appropriate action to take care of myself. Without it, I would endanger my life and sacrifice my needs.
When I tried to suppress my anger because I judged it as wrong, I used to binge eat or watch my weight obsessively. Although those habits were very painful, for a long time they felt safer than feeling angry.
When I ignored my anger, I felt frustrated and became depressed. My sense is that depression often arises when we don’t make room for anger. Because anger is commonly vilified, we often fail to acknowledge it out of shame.
I'd love to hear your reflections if you'd like to share them. Comment below and let me know what you think.
If you'd like to explore how you can channel your anger in healthy ways, check out my free resources or find out how you can work with me.
If you think other people would benefit from reading this, you can share this post on social media by clicking on the relevant icons below.