Thin is better than fat. The thinner you are, the better. When you are thin, you are desirable. When you are fat, you are revolting. There may be times in your life when you eat more, and you gain weight. These are terrible times. It is very shameful to have to buy clothes in larger sizes.
She looked at the mountain despondently. It wasn’t as big and grand as the mountains in the advertisement. Something about its shape didn’t feel quite right – it irked her. What a waste of time to have come here.
So much of our susceptibility to messages that tell us that our appearance is inadequate derives from abuse we suffered early on in our lives. We were treated in ways that made us conclude it wasn’t safe to show up as our true selves. If we can come to understand this abuse better, it will be much easier to let go of the need to protect ourselves from further hurt by pursuing conformity at the expense of authenticity.
I got accused of being ‘basic’ and simplistic this week. I was told everything I share is the type of thing you find on a cereal box! And I was just lucky I’d recovered, and I had no right to give advice to others.
“𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘦𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘰𝘳 𝘣𝘢𝘥, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘴𝘰.” 𝘏𝘢𝘮𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘣𝘺 𝘞𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘢𝘮 𝘚𝘩𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘦
For me it began with my body. I learnt to stop judging and hating it and to start cherishing and enjoying it. That then paved the way for me to love more about life, and especially the people in it, including myself.
When you look in the mirror, or see a photo of yourself, and feel terrible, you have a choice.
I love bunches! To me, they symbolise innocence and joy! Whenever I see my daughter’s hair in bunches, I can’t help but smile. And to think so many of us grow up to find fault with our hair! What fools we are.
The only test there is for whether you are feminine or masculine enough is one you create with your mind.
There is more to reality than our habitual, conditioned thoughts. And what is that? CBT doesn’t tend to go there – it’s thoughts, feelings and behaviours. That’s it. The sum total of what it means to be human. But is that really it? Or is there an intelligence beyond our own personal intellects?
For so much of my life I felt ashamed of the roundness of my stomach. When I wore clothes, I thought it spoilt the outline of my body, and made me less attractive. I thought men would be disgusted by it if they saw it or touched it. I was disgusted by it. I thought it made me inferior to other women with flat stomachs. Less desirable. Lower status.
Shame has been a very corrosive force in my life. It is the agonising sense that no matter what I do, and especially because of what I fail to do, I will never be good enough. It is based on a deep mistrust of my innermost intentions. It is rooted in the idea that I am selfish, greedy, uncaring, inadequate and unworthy of my seat at the table of life. It used to revolve around my body. I was ashamed of how I looked and wanted to hide because I didn't want it confirmed that my self-loathing was warranted.
Before I started coaching with Maria, I didn’t think it would be possible for sessions over Zoom to really make any difference to me.
So I was genuinely surprised by how much each session with Maria changed my thoughts, and how that change would impact me the following day.
I was also surprised to see that I really could change my relationship to food and the way I thought about myself.
Before the sessions I had very little hope of becoming free of my "food addiction", but now I feel like I’m about to break free from that restricted life of punishments and hatred.
Maria offers a safe space to talk freely and is very open and understanding, even when it comes to what some people might consider ‘weird’ thoughts.
For me, it often felt like the kind of gentle hug I needed as a small child.
It gave me a better understanding of my history and my actions.
Maria’s coaching is very helpful if you want to learn to love yourself and take better care of yourself.
She also has lots of knowledge on the topic and related topics, and many inspirational mantras and other readings.
I write this as someone who had been to therapy for eating disorders among other things for ten years.
I’ve also had lots of psychiatric treatments, and all those years being in hospital or going to therapy didn’t help me as much as Maria’s coaching.
I have been able to see another truth and love both myself and others more.
Thanks to Maria’s help, I have been able to access the wisdom that I had inside all along – it had just been covered up by painful and misleading beliefs.
Sophia Hector, Sweden
I would recommend Maria to anyone who is struggling with intense emotions and intrusive thoughts.
She is a great listener and is very good at sharing her experiences with anxiety, eating disorders, and body dysmorphic disorder in a way that will help you with your own struggles.
I have had a while to reflect on our conversation and I wish that when I was struggling with my eating disorder and trauma someone would have told me I would be fine if I took a moment to just exist and that I didn’t have to spend every single moment constantly trying to improve myself or work on healing.
It would have made life so much less overwhelming than it felt at the time.
In just one session over Zoom, Maria provided me with insight that changed my perspective on things in a meaningful way.
I thought I understood what it meant to live in the moment, but I honestly did not.
This lack of understanding of what it means to just let yourself exist in the moment is at the root of my anxiety.
I did not think I could have a life free from anxiety, but talking to Maria made me see that I really can if I let go of the conditioning that I impose upon myself.
What I appreciated the most about our conversation was that she encouraged me to reflect on my thoughts and experiences in a way that felt empowering.
When I walked away, I did not feel like I had a list of things I needed to do before I will be OK like I did when I would leave my therapist's office.
I felt like I am OK right now and I really needed that.
Erika Steele, Alabama, U.S.A.
Collaborating with Maria as my coach/guide was truly transformative.
Maria's profound listening created a space where I felt genuinely supported and cared for throughout our journey.
Whenever I encountered obstacles, she skillfully guided me toward alternative perspectives, opening my eyes to new possibilities.
Maria's non-judgmental approach allowed me to express myself freely, and through her insightful questions, I discovered solutions that were previously hidden.
Her presence is gentle and inviting, yet her commitment to helping others is both authentic and powerful.
I wholeheartedly recommend working with Maria; she will empower you to reach the next level in pursuit of your aspirations.
Siarra Decomi, Arizona, U.S.A.
Maria has been a joy to work with and has shared a good deal of valuable information and resources that I will be referring back to for a long time.
Her careful listening and gentle, insightful responses have very positively impacted my life, mind, thoughts, and heart. I'm having night dreams of transformation of myself.
Today I shared some of the information with a friend who was able to relate to it immediately, and to feel differently about the coming anniversary of his daughter's suicide.
This work has far-reaching implications, and I am very appreciative to have this opportunity to experience and benefit from it.
Dr. N.S. Goodman, Missouri, U.S.A.
Dear Maria, Thank you for your time and for providing a space for me to talk and reflect on things I've been struggling with.
I found it easy to talk to you and at no point felt like you were 'interrogating' me or manipulating the conversation.
You were gentle and patient but also warm and encouraging.
I liked that you made yourself human too and allowed me a glimpse of some of your struggles.
I am grateful for our sessions and feel they have helped me find some inner peace and now feel able to reflect on things in a more positive way.
T.H., Devon, U.K.
Thank you, Maria, for sharing your insights with me and being a listening ear.
You have helped me to see clarity again whilst I had been overworked and almost burned out.
Thank you for your warmth, wisdom, kindness, and most of all, time.
Maria is a true beacon of light and has so much to offer in her divine service.
Thank you.
Sarah, Cheshire, U.K.
I have had the pleasure of working with Maria as my coach for the last several months.
She is very kind and understanding.
It is very clear that she has had some major insights around the understanding of how our thoughts create our feelings, especially when it comes to food issues and body image.
She was helpful in pointing me in the direction of not taking my conditioned thinking too serious and directing me back towards my inner guidance and following my wisdom.
I would recommend her as a coach for anyone who is struggling.
E.H., Florida, U.S.A.
Fearing and resisting suffering only makes it worse! If we can learn to see the gifts in it, and be kind to ourselves when we're going through difficult times, we'll be repaid with greater freedom, and a deeper knowing of our true nature of love.
Fear tells us that we won't be able to handle future adversity. But love - the sweet elixir which can ease our suffering - is always available to help and guide us.
Appearances can be deceptive. When we don't like the way our bodies look, we are seeing ourselves through a distorting filter of judgement.
Viewing our bodies as products creates insecurity and suffering. When you have a felt sense of your real unconditional value, your insecurities about your appearance will fade away.
Gaining weight is a huge fear for many people these days. It can have a detrimental impact on our health and wellbeing.
If you are overeating and judging yourself for lacking willpower, please know that there is nothing intrinsically wrong with you.
Is beauty just conformity with a list of rules - the so-called 'beauty' standards? Or is there more to it than that?
When I didn't feel safe, I used food to help me calm down. When I became less afraid of my feelings, I didn't need to abuse food anymore.
The culture in most of the world today gives us the message that the way we look is important, and some ways of looking are better than others.